Is Finally ENOUGH TIME Now

I had a scheduled appointment with my therapist earlier this week. It turned out a while since I noticed her last because I had to cancel with her twice and it takes a very long time to get another visit. So we had a lot of getting up to do. We discussed me being on the Jenny Craig program now, the fact that I am sleeping very well these days and the effect on my overall health (in a positive direction). When I think about sharing my entire life with someone, whether that is clearly a therapist, friend or man, it takes me time to out get everything.

There are huge trust issues for me personally, so I start slowly and, the greater I’m comfortable, the greater that comes out. Through the session, we talked about how exactly I was severely abused as a child, sexually abused as a teenager and the impact those things experienced on my relationships with people and with food.

Food was the avenue that I used to help me manage with intense emotions and had taken me away to some other place where I didn’t have to feel or hope or dream. It acquired the ability to numb me out. In the same way alcohol is the alcoholic, food is a drug if you ask me. Obviously I can’t just cease eating because I want food to sustain my life, but now it’s about being healthier and changing bad habits into good ones. So when the therapist asked me how I could be helped by her, I considered it for a full minute and informed her I need continued assist with changing negative behavior. How can negative behaviors be turned into positive ones exactly?

  • 7 years back from Greece
  • Content game titles and body
  • Black Friday
  • Helps lower bad cholesterol levels, thus reducing the risk for heart disease
  • 1 ply (1.5mm solid)

My therapist explained it requires practice, practice, practice. She was motivating, though, because she said you’ll be able to do. It will not be easy, especially with behaviors that have been an integral part of me for my life, but with honesty and patience, it is within grab me.

I have always gone to food to cope and one of the primary reasons is my insufficient love and respect for myself. For other folks, I can give of myself completely, without question. My relatives and buddies know I am always there to them, for whatever they want, and that I am going to love and support them unfailingly. Yet, as it pertains to me, it appears as if I live by different rules. AFTER I look in the mirror, I encourage myself that I’m unpleasant, that I’m not smart enough, that I’m really an unlovable creature.

Do I want to admit that? No, but it’s my truth if I’m being as honest as I understand how to be. I encourage myself of this when I think about how exactly my ex-boyfriend treated me and exactly how other men never seem to be thinking about me. My ex-girlfriend or boyfriend used to always inform me how beautiful I used to be to him and I never thought him. Perhaps I didn’t want to trust him. I encourage myself that I’m only a lot of the time because friends don’t want to hang out with me, not because they’re busy with their families or that I had been busy with school.

There’s just such a huge part of me that feels things need to be perfect, even though intellectually I must say I do know that things can not be perfect. As I move with my therapy sessions ahead, I have to continue steadily to speak my truth, no matter how painful that could be. It means I have to say out the things I have considered myself in private noisy.

The things that I don’t want to talk about are the very things I have to talk about. Otherwise, I will continue doing the weight reduction dance for the others of my entire life. I know there are more and more people out in the world there, even those reading my words right in this very moment, who understand precisely what I’m discussing.